I regret to inform you that I am unable to leave a present for you this year due to the reason noted. Address all appeals to the North Pole office,
where they will be reviewed before the next holiday cycle. Fees may apply.
__ Ratio of naughty to nice exceeds 1.5:1 (limit set by Kris Kringle Standards Board, as revised 1862)
__ Neither cookies nor milk were left, and/or were spoiled, stale, or otherwise substandard.
__ You're Jewish.
__ Stocking contained foreign material including but not limited to: toe jam, lint, coal remnants, decade-old candy cane, pet hair.
__ Advanced SantaScan™ technology detected "Nice List" forgery.
__ No chimney.
__ At time of arrival on rooftop, subject was found to be awake. Per long-time St. Nick protocol, all parties must be in full slumber before Santa can
deliver packages as scheduled.
__ Extensive elf research revealed that you no longer believe in Santa Claus, or that you professed to younger believers that Santa is "not real."